here goes nothing

so, the whole thing about how i was going to do the intake the following day. that took me over a week to accomplish. i called her, she called me, i called her - days in between on my end because i was getting super nervous about it. finally, i called and she answered. i told her about our awful ESD experience, my fears of my son being treated like a bother if he isn't cooperative, etc. she was WONDERFUL. she verified my insurance, which while expensive, still gives us great benefits for therapy. she told me about the practice and how the scheduling would work and we completed the intake.

basically, the director will match us up with the therapist he thinks is best suited for little based on our file and then we will be contacted once there is an opening. he will be assessed for one hour one week, then another hour the following week. the week following that, treatment would begin. it will be the same day and time every week which is really nice for not having to make appointments every week. i've been waiting several days now and i am hoping there is an opening soon.

i had my therapy appointment. it was kind of a get to know you. i was not as comfortable sharing about myself as i thought i would be. i have a friend who i know pours out her heart, every angry thing she's ever felt, but i just couldn't. we are meeting again next week and i'm going to gage how much i feel i can benefit from working with her. i didn't leave there feeling like i thought she was just so great. but i'm going to give it a chance.

the traveling preschool has evolved into a community group who will hold class twice a week at a local church that we are able to rent space from, and we have been able to hire a teacher that our kids already know. it's going to be great for middle as she is missing her friends even though we have a lot of play dates and outings.

on the marriage front, since my last post it was ok, then AWFUL, and now borderline good. i'm almost scared to trust it. he's not a bad guy by any means, i definitely have fault in where we are but it's exhausting when we argue. i also feel like i can't be completely natural, like i have to be more cautious of my words and actions. in a way i resent that, but in a way i feel that anything worth having is worth putting work into. my husband has basically gone along with whatever i want for over a decade and i think i have to give some consideration into what would make him happy, even if it is things that might not come as naturally to me right now. i want us to be happy.