since last week, little has changed. well, little things have changed and all in a positive way. my husband and i decided to start eating better, together. we decided on six small meals a day. food is a big issue for me. i have been overweight most of my adult life, i guess i got into double digit size at around 21 and by 23 was up two sizes and now i'm up two sizes from that. i've fluctuated and had started losing weight and getting into better shape after little was born but somehow i fell WAY off the path.
anyway, my best friend and i also started to use fitnesspal to keep a food log. my daily goal is 1270 calories and except for sunday, which i allowed myself to have whatever i wanted, i was under every day. and on sunday i was at 1700 so it wasn't AWFUL. i like this app because it seems to have every food imaginable stored and i've verified the nutritional facts on everything i've pulled so far. at the end of the day there is a summary where i can see my sugar, carbs, protein, etc.
for the past two days, i actually started my day after sending my oldest to school. as opposed to my typical routine the last month, which was going back to sleep instead. to start my day i did a short morning yoga video** on youtube, followed by a pilates video, then a short meditation. i felt so refreshed and the positive energy stayed with me throughout my day.
this evening, i finally broke the curse of the treadmill. something in me has totally resisted hopping back on. but tonight i opened my 10k free running app and picked week 6 day 1. i am SO SLOW. but i did it. it's 5 min walk, 5 run, 3 walk, 8 run, 3 walk, 5 run, 5 walk. my track record isn't so good so let's see if i hop on again.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
here goes nothing
so, the whole thing about how i was going to do the intake the following day. that took me over a week to accomplish. i called her, she called me, i called her - days in between on my end because i was getting super nervous about it. finally, i called and she answered. i told her about our awful ESD experience, my fears of my son being treated like a bother if he isn't cooperative, etc. she was WONDERFUL. she verified my insurance, which while expensive, still gives us great benefits for therapy. she told me about the practice and how the scheduling would work and we completed the intake.
basically, the director will match us up with the therapist he thinks is best suited for little based on our file and then we will be contacted once there is an opening. he will be assessed for one hour one week, then another hour the following week. the week following that, treatment would begin. it will be the same day and time every week which is really nice for not having to make appointments every week. i've been waiting several days now and i am hoping there is an opening soon.
i had my therapy appointment. it was kind of a get to know you. i was not as comfortable sharing about myself as i thought i would be. i have a friend who i know pours out her heart, every angry thing she's ever felt, but i just couldn't. we are meeting again next week and i'm going to gage how much i feel i can benefit from working with her. i didn't leave there feeling like i thought she was just so great. but i'm going to give it a chance.
the traveling preschool has evolved into a community group who will hold class twice a week at a local church that we are able to rent space from, and we have been able to hire a teacher that our kids already know. it's going to be great for middle as she is missing her friends even though we have a lot of play dates and outings.
on the marriage front, since my last post it was ok, then AWFUL, and now borderline good. i'm almost scared to trust it. he's not a bad guy by any means, i definitely have fault in where we are but it's exhausting when we argue. i also feel like i can't be completely natural, like i have to be more cautious of my words and actions. in a way i resent that, but in a way i feel that anything worth having is worth putting work into. my husband has basically gone along with whatever i want for over a decade and i think i have to give some consideration into what would make him happy, even if it is things that might not come as naturally to me right now. i want us to be happy.
basically, the director will match us up with the therapist he thinks is best suited for little based on our file and then we will be contacted once there is an opening. he will be assessed for one hour one week, then another hour the following week. the week following that, treatment would begin. it will be the same day and time every week which is really nice for not having to make appointments every week. i've been waiting several days now and i am hoping there is an opening soon.
i had my therapy appointment. it was kind of a get to know you. i was not as comfortable sharing about myself as i thought i would be. i have a friend who i know pours out her heart, every angry thing she's ever felt, but i just couldn't. we are meeting again next week and i'm going to gage how much i feel i can benefit from working with her. i didn't leave there feeling like i thought she was just so great. but i'm going to give it a chance.
the traveling preschool has evolved into a community group who will hold class twice a week at a local church that we are able to rent space from, and we have been able to hire a teacher that our kids already know. it's going to be great for middle as she is missing her friends even though we have a lot of play dates and outings.
on the marriage front, since my last post it was ok, then AWFUL, and now borderline good. i'm almost scared to trust it. he's not a bad guy by any means, i definitely have fault in where we are but it's exhausting when we argue. i also feel like i can't be completely natural, like i have to be more cautious of my words and actions. in a way i resent that, but in a way i feel that anything worth having is worth putting work into. my husband has basically gone along with whatever i want for over a decade and i think i have to give some consideration into what would make him happy, even if it is things that might not come as naturally to me right now. i want us to be happy.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
two steps forward
usually this statement is followed by two steps back, maybe 200 steps back for me. but i am holding on to a positive outlook as i am taking some steps for change. maybe later i will write separate posts for the things i am referring to, but for now the bits & pieces will have to do.
first, homeschooling. it hasn't felt very official and i don't want there to be any pressure attached. it's preschool. my middle has all the tools she needs to enter kinder, if we decide to send her off to school in the fall. we are feeling things out and have found oh SO many resources on pinterest.
currently we are using the you can read sight word program from this great blog. i eamprinted the pages that i wanted to use, put them in sheet protectors, and place them in a three ring binder. we do calendar daily with a pocket chart, and we put together a valentine's day inspired sensory tub. we have open art like paint supplies out at the easel and stickers and glue and other embellishments out at the kitchen table.
our friends that also jumped ship from our past preschool are starting a traveling preschool of sorts and we are not yet sure if we are going to join. if we do, that will be an interesting experience to document!
second, i reached out to the local private institute that deals with speech and developmental delays. my little definitely has needs and for some reason i find that incredibly intimidating and terrifying. I made the initial contact and am to call back tomorrow morning for the intake. the issue is that if our insurance doesn't cover it we will have to go the public route and i'm trying to avoid that. we had the little assessed right after his 2nd birthday and it was an AWFUL experience, we ending up declining to complete the evaluation and booked it out of there, little and i both in tears.
third, i have my first every therapy appointment. i have friends who have relied on therapy for years but i never saw myself as the "type". well, i've reached a point that i feel like i need to work with someone to get through some of my "stuff". i verified my insurance benefits and used their list of approved providers. the first one i chose had retired and still took clients but on a cash only basis. the next lady, who i felt was THE ONE, was no longer accepting new clients from my insurance panel. i was crushed because i really connected to her method when reading her website.
then, i came across a name i wasn't going to look into based on distance but i googled her anyway. turns out she is someone i contacted two years ago but never followed thru with meeting, for one reason or another. she utilized some alternative therapies and i was especially interested in her because of her use of EFT (emotional freedom technique). my appointment is next week and i'm pretty nervous.
in other good news, the oldest came in 3rd in the school wide spelling bee! so proud of him and loved seeing him proud of himself. he is a tween and often complaining or scowling. the glued on smile was a lovely change.
but, all these things move me forward, as opposed to the sludge i've been buoying in. i just hope i can get unstuck and move towards the me that i feel like i can possibly be.
first, homeschooling. it hasn't felt very official and i don't want there to be any pressure attached. it's preschool. my middle has all the tools she needs to enter kinder, if we decide to send her off to school in the fall. we are feeling things out and have found oh SO many resources on pinterest.
currently we are using the you can read sight word program from this great blog. i eamprinted the pages that i wanted to use, put them in sheet protectors, and place them in a three ring binder. we do calendar daily with a pocket chart, and we put together a valentine's day inspired sensory tub. we have open art like paint supplies out at the easel and stickers and glue and other embellishments out at the kitchen table.
our friends that also jumped ship from our past preschool are starting a traveling preschool of sorts and we are not yet sure if we are going to join. if we do, that will be an interesting experience to document!
second, i reached out to the local private institute that deals with speech and developmental delays. my little definitely has needs and for some reason i find that incredibly intimidating and terrifying. I made the initial contact and am to call back tomorrow morning for the intake. the issue is that if our insurance doesn't cover it we will have to go the public route and i'm trying to avoid that. we had the little assessed right after his 2nd birthday and it was an AWFUL experience, we ending up declining to complete the evaluation and booked it out of there, little and i both in tears.
third, i have my first every therapy appointment. i have friends who have relied on therapy for years but i never saw myself as the "type". well, i've reached a point that i feel like i need to work with someone to get through some of my "stuff". i verified my insurance benefits and used their list of approved providers. the first one i chose had retired and still took clients but on a cash only basis. the next lady, who i felt was THE ONE, was no longer accepting new clients from my insurance panel. i was crushed because i really connected to her method when reading her website.
then, i came across a name i wasn't going to look into based on distance but i googled her anyway. turns out she is someone i contacted two years ago but never followed thru with meeting, for one reason or another. she utilized some alternative therapies and i was especially interested in her because of her use of EFT (emotional freedom technique). my appointment is next week and i'm pretty nervous.
in other good news, the oldest came in 3rd in the school wide spelling bee! so proud of him and loved seeing him proud of himself. he is a tween and often complaining or scowling. the glued on smile was a lovely change.
but, all these things move me forward, as opposed to the sludge i've been buoying in. i just hope i can get unstuck and move towards the me that i feel like i can possibly be.
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