6.8 down, OH SO MANY more to go

monday i got back to logging my food on fitnesspal. i had wasted the better part of a month eating a 1200 calorie diet, only to blow it by having a few bad days. the result was ZERO weight lost.

today is day 6 and i'm down 6.8 pounds. i have averaging about 1000 calories/day and not feeling deprived. i almost didn't want to write this because when i quit and fail, i will eventually have to mention it here but if i fail again, i deserve the humiliation. even though i am the only one who currently knows about this blog!

i have been having some self talks with myself when i've wanted to give in. the inner voice always says what's the point, you're going to quit so might as well not be miserable for awhile only to return to your overeating ways. but this time, another voice said - you don't NEED the food. it makes you feel better in the moment but is it worth it a week later, a month later, a year later? the good feeling doesn't live beyond the moment. being healthy can be with me forever, if i can just be strong enough to get there.

i used to be a skinny minnie. and i used to wonder why fat people didn't just stop being lazy or eat less or exercise more. and here i am, like most people, knowing what NEEDS to be done to drop the weight, but just not being able to commit and maintain the necessary changes.

once again, i hope THIS is the time that it works. i have tried to stay very present and mindful of my feelings regarding food. i haven't felt deprived. i carry a low carb protein bar or my favorite protein shake with me when i am on the run (with 3 kids, this is often).

on monday i am going to restart my daily yoga. i just love doing tara stiles videos from youtube. she just seems very real, genuine and interesting. i like her style and she has so many youtube videos to choose from.

i don't intend to weigh myself obsessively on a daily basis. friday check in will be all that i do. i hope that i'm back next friday with more of the same news!

brainspotting?

so folks, this is me. since my last post, i carried on with fitnesspal and yoga, but i never ran again. then i had a bunch of poor eating days. not anything obscene, just definitely over the 1270 daily calories i was shooting for. that's me, i do well and believe everything wonderful is possible. then i blink and fall from grace. i seriously have contemplated if hypnotherapy could make me more consistent.

i had a therapy session last week and i didn't leave feeling as positive as i had the previous session. it was due to no fault of the therapist. i just had had a hard week (weeks, months) with my oldest and just wasn't feeling very light in general. she suggested we begin a treatment called brainspotting. part of me is terrified. like, what if some horrible self discovery is made and it is emotionally overwhelming. or what if some amazing self discovery is born of it. OR, what if the whole thing is bullshit. stay tuned folks, i'll let you know what's on the real.

i really want to find some time to talk about my tween issue as well as my homeschooling plans. i'll get a post up on at least one of those topics, before the weekend is over!